Tonight

Did I ever tell you about my dream job working at a gourmet restaurant? Oh, I didn't, eh? Well, let me tell you...

My story starts out quite some time ago. I had gotten hired to prepare desserts at the Nicaraguan Barbecue Cafe after the previous guy went to another restaurant (I think it was called the Cajun Bird Station). I was the dessert chef for quite some time. I always had my eye on the main course, though. I knew people didn't go to the restaurant for the dessert, as good as it was. I almost started considering going to other restaurants, until...

I was offered the job as head cook! I was uber excited. I had dreamed of it since I was a kid, always admiring the craft. It would be quite some time before I would take up the position, but I was promised that it would be mine. I waited for what must have been five years. I was so excited when I got the position! You have no idea. I was a little upset because the restaurant decided to hire the old head cook to prepare the appetizers, a move that many were skeptical about and would still have my creations following the previous chef's, but whatever. I had the job I wanted. So, there was a new line up. The old guy on first with the appetizers, I'd swoop in afterward with the main course, and then we hired this guy who once worked for the Siberian Noodle Lounge to take my place on desserts.

Well, this immediately didn't go too well. The appetizers turned out to be a very bad idea, and many people were so dissatisfied with it that they didn't stick around for the main course or desserts. The restaurant knew that it wasn't working with the old guy doing appetizers. Everybody suggested that he just put up his hat, that he'd worked there long enough and had his day. He had enough money to live off of, so he didn't need the work. The restaurant was fine all those years without appetizers anyway. I thought that this would be the logical plan of action.

However, the Nicaraguan Barbecue Cafe had different plans. They wanted to give the old guy his position back. I was flabbergasted! He was the one who drove off the clientele with his appetizers, and they were gonna kick me back to dessert?! Where's the logic in that? Many voiced their opinions that this was an even worse idea than the appetizers debacle. People from the Cajun Bird Station, as well as from another rival restaurant, the Asian Bowl Company, spoke out in my defense, and the people loved me. But the company had made their decision. After only 7 short months, the job was his again. I didn't think it'd be fair to bump the new guy without giving him a chance. So I decided I'd be the bigger man and just quit. As much as it hurt me, I knew it was the right thing to do for the restaurant. Who knows? Maybe you'll eventually see me at the French-Oriental Xanadu (I'm not sure why they named it that, but I suppose that's not too important).

So, that's my completely true and non-allegorical story of my tenure at a restaurant. It was my dream job and it was taken away from me by the guy who had already lived the dream but didn't want to give it up. But it's OK, they gave me a good severance package, and I'm a classy guy, so I took it like a champ and don't wish any ill will towards Jay--er, I mean the old guy.

And now, I leave you with a song that I feel is appropriate as a memorial to the short 7 months that I had at this job.

Old

Yesterday marked the 24th anniversary of my birth. 24 years ago, I was crying from colic and my mom was crying from 12 hours of labor and pushing my oversized head out of her.

Sometimes I look back and I have to ask, "Where has the time gone?" I mean, I feel like it wasn't that long ago that 20 seemed really old, but now I'm in my mid-20s. When did that happen and can I make it stop? I can definitely see what those Nationwide commercials are getting at when they say that "Life comes at you fast." I feel like I was a freshman math major just last week, but I've been a history graduate for 7 months.

Now, I know 24 isn't really that old. But sometimes I'm in situations that make me feel older than I am. Like going back to my old church and seeing kids that are much bigger and older than I remember them when I first started. Or being called "Sir" or "Mr. Jason."

Or going to work. Both jobs make me feel old. Whenever I go to campus, I'm reminded that I'm probably older than most people on the campus. It freaks me out slightly to think that there are kids in college who weren't alive in the 80's. What?! Seriously?! You guys are toddlers, at best.

Even worse than working on campus is working at the movie theater. I'm an adult, grown and with a completed college degree. I'm working with kids in high school. What's worse is that sometimes I'm working under kids in high school. In fact, I'm older than most team leaders and I'm pretty sure than most managers. I described it like this one time: I get off work, buy a beer, go home, drink the beer, and cry over the fact that I take orders from people who can't even buy beer (this has never happened, btw).

As weird as growing older feels, I can see 2 good things come out of it: eventually, I'll get gray hair, which Proverbs 16:31 says is a crown of glory gained in a righteous life; and I'll eventually get a senior discount. Bring on the reduced-price bacon!

And now, on this the 10th day after Christmas, I hope you enjoy this song that my choir sang many, many, many years ago when I was in 3rd or so grade:

The "Virgin" Mary

Don't let the title mislead you. I do believe that Mary was a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus. But I don't think everyone was convinced. I can imagine the conversations that happened when Mary told people about her pregnancy....

Mary: Hey, Joe, can we talk for a minute?
Joseph: Sure, my beautiful, pure, innocent bride-to-be. What about?
M: Oh, boy. Well, you know how babies are usually born after two people have sex?
J: Um, yeah? What are you getting at?
M: Well, um, the craziest thing happened to me. I was visited by an angel and he was all like, "You're gonna have God's Son," and I was all like, "But I'm a virgin," and he was like, "The Holy Spirit's gonna impregnate you, and Elizabeth's pregnant with John the Baptist," and I'm all like, "Let it be." Isn't that crazy that Elizabeth's pregnant at her age?
J: Whoa, hold on, back up a bit. You're pregnant?
M: Yeah, but... the angel... and the Holy Spirit... just read Isaiah 7:14. It explains it somewhat in there.
J: Uh, Mary, I'm not buying this. If you cheated on me, just tell me. I'll understand. I'm a just man and unwilling to see you put to shame. Read Matthew 1:19. It explains it somewhat in there.
M: I'm telling the truth. I am still a virgin, and I'm having Jesus, God's Son.
J: Well if you are, we can't be together anymore.
M: Oh, yes we can. You'll come to your senses. Just wait.

The next morning
J: Hey, Mary, can we talk.
M: Sure my unbelieving husband-to-be. What about?
J: Oh, boy. Well, I had a dream last night, and an angel said, "Take Mary as your wife, 'cuz she's pregnant by the Holy Spirit, and you're gonna call Him Jesus 'cuz he's gonna save people from their sins," and then he quoted Isaiah 7:14. Isn't that crazy that Elizabeth's pregnant at her age?
M: Me:1 You: 0

Now I'm not sure if it went down this way, but you weren't there, so we'll just say that this is legit.


On an unrelated note: Have you ever wondered what would happen if the president rapped about fixing the country? Well, now you know. Enjoy!

The (Near) Thanksgiving Day Massacre

I lost my camera on Thanksgiving Day. There was a good chunk of time when there was a search party, because I wasn’t about to leave California without my $200 camera. There were three different ways that people saw this apparently.

My Point of View

There were a bunch of kids around who weren’t really helping me look. My nephew Warren was looking in the freezer, while my niece Anaiya suggested, “Maybe it’s in the cake.” I figured that they were just going to be in the way, so I told them to sit down and be quiet. One of them said they were cold, so they put the blanket over themselves. I was being nice while looking for my camera.

The Kids’ Point of View

I didn’t verify any of this, but I’m pretty sure that this is what they were all collectively thinking: “Man, he’s serious. He’s making us sit down, all in a row. Maybe we can chat it up while he looks? Oh, no, he has his belt. Did he say something about a rod? I don’t know what that it is, but he sounds serious. I guess we can’t talk. He’s got that wild look in his eyes. I think he might just kill one of us. Let’s not say anything. He’s being mean while looking for his camera.”

The Other Adults’ Point of View

“Oh, my goodness, look at him. He has all the kids lined up, oldest to youngest, on the couch. They’re not saying anything. They were talking, but they shut up real quick when he got that belt. Did you hear him? He said, ‘The Bible says to use a rod.’ He’s going to start torturing them. Just wait. He’s gonna throw a bucket of cold water on them, get in their face, and ask, ‘Where’s the camera?’ He’s going to get information from them one way or another. There’s no mercy. Chrissie’s only four. What’s she gonna tell him? Oh, snap. We need to look harder or else we’re next. We’re not going to escape. His mom’s the only one safe. The rest of us might not survive Thanksgiving. He’s gone crazy while looking for his camera.”

I still say I was being nice. Everyone else blew it out of proportion. Anyway, we all laughed at it after my camera did appear again. And nothing of mine disappeared for the remainder of the trip. And for some reason unbeknownst to me, everyone asked permission before doing anything, even getting a cup of water. I can’t understand why. I guess I’m just a man who demands respect.

Give me respect... or else

And now, for the completely unrelated video of the week, I give you Si! Enjoy.

Guacamole from Si on Vimeo.

I lost my salvation on the way to church

Friday's post (I apologize for posting it late, btw) discussed how I don't know how to love God with all of me all the time. Well, a close examination of my life has showed one way in which I am not doing it.

As some of you know, I've only had a driver's license since late August. Since then, I've been driving quite a bit. I'm still a pretty bad driver, but that's another post. I've noticed that I'm not the only bad driver on the road. Other people on the road make me start yelling at them and thinking evil thoughts about them (I love how they're to blame).

I noticed Sunday that I yell at other people A LOT. I mean crazy, ridiculous, don't-know-volume-control kinda stuff. I think that the things I think, however, are sinful at worst, mildly funny at best. Examples:

The speed limit's 40! Why are you only going 45?

(Realizing that the man who I was driving behind was graying) Old people!

I wonder if I could hit this guy if I speed up?

(Checking the age of a woman next to me) I wonder if I could beat her. (Our lanes were merging. I was so intent on looking at her that I didn't notice the light turn green. She did.)

I realized that I, like other drivers, am the only one important when I'm on the road. I am all that matters. That's not loving God with all I am all the time and it's not loving my neighbor as myself. If Jesus gave a 3rd greatest commandment, I would probably break that one too. I think that's why I listen to Christian music when I'm driving. Otherwise, I don't think I would be saved anymore.

In an unrelated but still kind of important note, I started a ministry blog called Inside my Ministry. It's just a way to kinda clean up some clutter that I felt was happening on this blog. So if you want to read about my ministry, go there.

And now, I leave you with this completely unrelated video, but is nonetheless hilarious. And it raps the gospel, so it has to be good. Enjoy!