Monday, December 14, 2009

Unsafe Songs

Another post centered around music. Nobody who knows me is surprised.

For those of you who don't know, I've had my driver's license for the equivalent of a semester of school. To some, that's pretty sad, considering I'll be 24 in just a few weeks. Because I'm still inexperienced, I'm still a fairly bad driver. This can also be blamed on the fact that I learned to drive in Arizona, and Lord knows they don't know how to drive.

So, because I'm a bad driver, it's good to eliminate any distractions that might take me from bad to reckless, or worse, from bad to wrecked. Such as...

The List of Unsafe Songs While I'm Driving!

The Song: "Rawkfist" by Thousand Foot Krutch
The Reason: This fun TFK song came on the radio one time when I was driving. I started using the steering wheel as a drum. I realized fairly early on that that was a bad idea as I was driving up Mill Ave. at night. So I put my hands back on the wheels. But there's the chorus. "Throw up ya rawkfist! Are you feelin' it when I drop this? *boom-boom* That's the sound when the rock hits!" That *boom-boom* is obviously supposed to be a nice fist pump in the air. And so I took my right hand off the steering wheel, and reacted accordingly. I still had my left hand there, so it wasn't too bad, though I do tend to put my body into the fist pump.

The Song: "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly
The Reason: This one hasn't happened, which is good. But I can imagine really getting into this song. Feeling really inspirational after the first verse, singing wholeheartedly, "If I can see it, then I can do it. If I just believe it, there's nothing to it." After that, the chorus, expressing my (misplaced) belief in myself that I can achieve flight and imagine myself running through an open door. And before I know it, neither hand is on the steering wheel. I've chosen to flap my arms, much like a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt being visited by angels who put their (misplaced) attention on baseball. It's good that this hasn't happened. And I hope it won't.

The Song: "Defying Gravity" by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth (from the Wicked Soundtrack)
The Reason: This one is actually what gave me the idea for this list. On Saturday, I was at Sunflower Market, listening to the wicked-awesome Wicked soundtrack. This song came on as I was leaving the parking lot. I was singing along to Elphaba's part, because (a) I think it's awesomer and (b) I've always identified more with her than Galinda/Glinda (I think "unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe" describes me better than "blond"). As I'm approaching the light to make my left turn, I sing along with Ms. Menzel. "It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes... and leap!" As I was singing, I noticed that I actually closed my eyes when I sang that! They weren't closed for very long, but still, I got so into this song that I closed my eyes while approaching another vehicle (albeit, at low speed). I love this soundtrack, but I might have to skip this song to prevent injury to me or others.

The Song: "Stomp" by Kirk Franklin and God's Property
The Reason: I actually haven't heard this song in forever, but I remember this one got my praising the Lord before I knew the Lord. The choir would sing about how amazing Jesus' love is. "It gets me high, up to the sky, and when I think about Your goodness, it makes me wanna... STOMP!" I'm not quite sure how stomping praises the Lord, but I am sure that if I am simultaneously driving and stomping my feet, bad things will happen. Like ramming into the person in front of me. Or hitting that pedestrian. Or driving into a restaurant or something. I'm pretty sure that if that did happen, I wouldn't even be surprised. That kinda thing happens to/around me.

The Song: "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65
The Reason: This song sucks horribly and should die a quick but excruciating death. I think I might intentionally kill somebody if I heard this. The only volume that this song should ever be played at is mute. Did I mention I hate this song?

This week, instead of an unrelated video, I decided to give you a playlist of the songs listed above (except, of course the last one, because I don't hate you). Enjoy!

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones